Popular 90s comedian gets red-pilled, exposes what all this "UFO information" coming out now is distracting us from

Also Elon Musk, Racist Pets, and an Embarrassing Robbery

Hello Internet. What do you think is most likely: we were contacted by aliens last weekend and Joe Biden shot them down? Or Nikki Haley getting the GOP nomination? Right now, I can go either way.

Your song of the day is “Dear Maria, Count Me In” by All Time Low.

Glad we had this talk,

- Brodigan

><><><><><><

Our daily contributions to the discourse…

Jalen Hurts shares a powerful message to a junior reporter on "lessons learned" in soul-crushing Super Bowl loss.

Watch: Byron Donalds answers young conservatives on how to respond when leftists and media take away your "black card".

A punk attempts a robbery but discovers the hard way that the female clerk is a badass who chases him with his own knife.

A new study blames racism on animals fleeing urban decay because we live in a clown world.

Elon Musk uses a semi-NSFW meme to show how much Twitter loves his tweets, and his haters are in full meltdown.

And a non-binary influencer creepily urges young fans to join his private account for 'connected time' because, quote, 'Your parents screwed up'.

><><><><><><

Popular 90s comedian gets red-pilled, exposes what all this "UFO information" coming out now is distracting us from

We did it, folks. We red-pilled Tom Green. While GenXers were distracted by Michael Keaton as Batman, you elder millennials one-upped us with the uber-popular MTV comedian from the 90s. Tom Green is all the way awake. His bum is on the truth. And he's letting you know about it.

All this talk about the Biden Administration shooting down all of these UFOs? After they let a Chinese spy balloon sashay from sea to shining sea? That's not what's really going on. What's going on is never what's really going on.

Green is most known for hosting a show on MTV and the highly underrated 90s movie Road Trip. He also had a #1 hit with "The Bum Bum Song." Where he put his bum bum on different things and sang about it.

According to Mr. Green and his sources, there are three reasons "they" have us talking about UFOs now.

- The Jeffrey Epstein guest list is coming out, exposing all the elitists who hung out on what critics call "Pedophile Island." On a related note, Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. But you might want to do a welfare check on Ghislaine Maxwell.

- The chemical spill in Palestine, Ohio that some are saying could rival Chornobyl. It happened over a week ago, but corporate media has only gotten around to covering it now after TikTokers forced their hand.

- And, of course, World War 3...which will only be prevented as long as we continue to give Zelinskyy all the money.

As of this writing, it is unknown if Green has been disappeared. Or at the very least, sent to "rehab" by his personal trainer. We here at the Louder with Crowder Dot Com website will continue to monitor the situation as we pray for Tom Green's well-being.